#61: just play no think

The only time when I don’t think about it.. is v when I’m playing… even when my arms hurt… wrists hurt… hands and fingers hurt… I will still… continue play… maybe I did push myself too hard… the pain… I can’t work… I’m emotional… I can’t help it… somehow.. I’ve to release it.. I played… think nothing but play.. I don’t know how long will this last..

I need to see orthopaedic soon. I’m worried about the charges. I can’t afford hospital checkups. Suspect carpal tunnel syndrome. This isn’t the first time. I got it when I started ingress and it went off. But since I’m doing data entry now… it came back on both sides and gone bad. I can’t really eat with chopsticks now.. for now.. I can’t find the type of wrist+hand support that I want.. so just temporary got a wrist support.

Things that happened can never be undone.. no matter how much you wished.. words are easily said but actions show all.. maybe just need time… but how long? Nobody knows..

Why do I seem like having problems most of the time? Sometimes when think about it… it’s tiring.. wish to give up.. but luckily she pulled me out of darkness.. I owe her for that.. I owe them… I owe all 3.. without their support… I wouldn’t stand till now..

Betrayed once is bad.. feeling betrayed the 2nd is worse.. that’s how I felt when I knew the truth. If you are reading this.. you should understand.. I can’t let go as easily as you said… not for a stubborn like me.. you guys should have just tell me.. I’ve never felt so awkward before.. I’m truly bad in pretending that’s so obvious.. I can’t even hide… I really so… felt like running away that day.. maybe should have.. that’s really 1 situation, 1st experience, that I’ve ever been thru..

I’m not as tough as you see me… I’ve my weakness..  maybe time will tell..

#59: let go..

it’s really time to let go.. something that you never got at all.. something that’s not meant for you.. why hold it anymore? you’re not happy… whether it’s a regret or not… does it matter anymore? you should have known the answer long ago… time to forget what’s said..  whatever the answer is… it will hurt.. whatever it is… just let it be..

#55: just some thoughts..

once you spoil a kid since young… don’t expect he will listen to you as he grow up… you as adult has made the wrong move from the very beginning. this is what you will get.. he’s not afraid to talk back at you because you won’t punish him for his wrong doings.. he knows that.. every time he wants something.. you adults will give… is this the right way of teaching him? he won’t learn.. he is the most selfish kid in this family. he wants everything to himself because he’s lack of love… parents’ love… he wants all attention… that’s why he’s always doing things to make you adults angry.. i doubt he knows what’s right or what’s wrong… does he fully understand what’s going on? you are friends of his if anything related to money. else, who are you? how much does he sees you as his grandparent? he sees himself more important than anybody… he’s a big money spender who hasn’t earn own money yet.. what will become of him IF you don’t teach him now? what can we uncles and aunties do? we can’t punish him the way we want.. THE WAY I WANT..

#53: almost 4 months…

we have not talk.. you have not replied any of my messages… not even my calls you answered. I don’t know what are you thinking there.. I am still waiting here for the reason you avoided me..  I guess it’s just an unlimited wait.. a wait that shouldn’t even exist.. I just want the answer.

#51: back to back fun on 2 days… drop dead and sick on day 3…. skipped work 4 days…

after reaching level 16 as an enlightened agent for a year plus.. it was my first anomaly; PANDANOMALY held in petaling jaya. I’m not a morning person so waking up in the morning is not my thing but i managed to. skipped work 2nd.

the day before… i was at The Delle Coffee & Tea to check-in and collect my paid swag pack. i wanted to collect on saturday but i changed my mind since i’m meeting a Singapore enl agent @shogun79 (knew him through @rockgambit) that night. skipped work 1st. after that went to farm a bit more at The Strand cluster with @khloke where he gave me R6 and R7 because i don’t have enough of them, not even the minimum requirements. I used most of them for fielding up level 16. can’t remember how many times i have hacked on the registration portals.

i knew nothing about their plannings. i read the instructions but not quite sure what it is. just follow what intel wants. i was swapping telegram with intel to map to game to lookout for res… my shoulders were tired.. is kinda stress a bit but is fun. bought char siew bao for brunch when we went toilet but no time to eat until they were getting soaky but heck! nice baos! I’ve not eaten char siew bao for a long time.. we got a thai intel. my driver @khloke zello-ing with him from time to time and also with another team (the driver, my gp killer) of 3; 1 guy 2 girls. along the way, hack back some weapons. there are times where the drift is what i hate. AND mosquitoes when i have to stand there by the roadside. when the whole thing over… i so wanted to go toilet. went into texas chicken but the toilet broke. bought a honey butter biscuit and munched. toilet postponed later at the duck rice shop. it was drizzling again when the photo-shoot took place.. and since it’s a huge crowd of agents.. whoever standing behind is invisible. for my part. as enl agent… i am glad that we won.

met up with some agents.. had a chat or two… then talked to @tchchin about our plan. at first we wanted to MD at night so i will have to decide which 6 to do and tell her. so i told her to check back with me later that night. while i was talking to her…. @amuyot came out of nowhere and almost gave a shock on my shoulders! @ksrf009 was with her. didn’t get to talk to them as they left. then met up with @feeleefehleh. since he ate McD earlier so we chat only. met up with @fivepointseven too. when the guys left, i finally got a place to sit for dinner at duck rice. was getting sleepy. trying to decide whether to stay back or to go home.

after dinner, really wanted to sleep. went to search for hourly rooms but no luck. when @tchchin called, we decided to change plan. do in the morning. when i reached home, after bathing. drop dead. i was dozing in the car when @khloke sent me home. damn tired to do anything anymore.

skipped work 3rd. woke up at 4 am because @tchchin said she’s picking me up at 530 am. she told me the Singapore agents already did the mission midnight time. so only 2 of us. it was 6 am i think when she reached my place. she fielded along the way. my usual routine too when i go out. rarely failed to do this routine unless i am taking public transport. i was her local guide because she’s not familiar with pj. some places i still need the map. when she missed a turn, i gave her alternative route which is new to her. got @feeleefehleh to join us, since he’s at mbpj. we had breakfast at ss2 after doing central park bandar utama mission. there we met @deangel and her partner (i forgot how to spell his ign). when we did the ss2 mission, we went thru the morning market. by the way, their scanners drifted more than mine. we did 12 missions before departing. @tchchin did the remaining on her own.

@feeleefehleh went back to the hotel to sleep. he wasn’t feeling well anyway… ended up food poisoning.. i went to nu sentral from asia jaya lrt station. had a boost. bought undergarment. took ktm home. wanted to eat McD first but too many people. went straight home. bathed. drop dead. standing inside the train also can sleep. i was really sleepy. slept till night. it was my first time doing mission day with res AND 2! i have never done missions with opposition faction.

skipped work 4th. headache and fever. now… i can’t remember i got it on Sunday night or Monday… and i can’t remember when i had a simple snack meal.. it was raining on early sunday morning. i guess i caught the rain.