nothing matters anymore… can’t help it… can’t do anything but cry… it last a few minutes to hours to days.. the more I hope.. the more I wish… the more disappointment.. I give up.. when D and stress combine.. worst.. I know I think too much… until stress.. If only I can format my mind.. D makes you lose interest in people.. lose appetite.. lose mind… professional help is advisable.. I know… this stubborn head resist all.. please don’t push me anymore.. the more you push the more I resist.. i just want somebody to talk to.. somebody I’m comfortable with.. somebody I trust.. I’m struggling to overcome it.. force won’t work on me.. it will only make it worse.. when D strikes… really don’t feel like doing anything… money don’t last forever… rejection is failure… survival.. I don’t want to think.. but can’t.. every decision is crucial.. there will be a time when everything stops..
going into 4th day, she’s unhappily waiting for a reply.. a reply that never came.. she doesn’t know what happen.. she dare not ask… but she’s certainly unhappy.. she tried talking to someone else but it’s just not the same… she’s heartbroken… she cries… she’s speechless… did she say something wrong? Is this person too busy to reply just 1 word? What has she done? What’s happening?
Is just air… and mosquitoes… and sound of the TOM & JERRY… and cars and buses and everything else… she doesn’t want to come home just to hear nor see all these… she wants a welcome hug or kiss.. or yell “I’m home!” She wants to feel warmth at home..
she doesn’t expect her friends fully understand her. But never treat her like clown. She’s human too, just like all of us. What sort of friendship is that when one person treats another in an unfriendly manner? Laughing/back stabbing behind their backs? Telling stories/lies about them? She doesn’t want this type of friendship. She doesn’t want people to sympathise her. She wants true friend. She wants a soulmate. Is that too much to ask? She’s afraid of making new friends. But her instinct tells her… she found the right ones. Women’s instinct are fantastic! Unpredictable! There’s nothing but the truth.. never underestimate that..
Good friends are good as they are. But she can’t make herself tell everything out. She still holds back silently. Thinking what to say and what not to say.