Posted in Diary

#40: 1 became 2

I knew he’s buying a stabilizer for his car from accessories shop. But I didn’t know he’ll change the car audio too. A total of RM2k plus spent. Is it necessary to change the audio set? It’s just a Perodua Viva. That amount of money can at least help fix my car. Whenever it comes to money, my depression worsen. I can’t help it. I don’t want to talk. I just want to cry. I want a hug.

Posted in Diary

#38: one and a half months….

Passing thru…. that’s how long we’ve not talk… although I survived but it’s one of saddest moments I had.. finding a soul mate is hard… and true friendship is similarly hard.. when you thought you’ve found one… and suddenly communication breakdowns… you don’t any response from the other person anymore.. you’ll feel like “what have I done?” “Why are you ignoring me?” Blaming own self is the first, you can think of.. I may have said something.. but there are words that I really mean it.. words said can’t retrieve.. no matter how many times I delete… is already said.. I’m not even sure if you’re reading anymore.. I don’t want to lose this relationship.. one and a half months… not easy to pass… at least not for me.. I’m one stubborn patient.. who’s finally… willing… to seek help.. I don’t know what will happen.. but a new chapter to begin.. you know what kind of sickness I’m having.. I’m about to off-limits soon… I can’t control myself anymore.. there are days that I will just cry till tired.. and sleep till next day.. I felt heart-broken.. I felt heart pain… I felt hopeless… I felt useless… I felt negative.. you know I can’t talk with people whom I don’t trust.. rainy days.. the worst when I can’t go out.. I became weak and extremely lazy.. staring blank at anything.. tears flowing down.. I wish for a hug.. I wish for comfort.. I failed myself..

Posted in I Say

#37: living in her own fantasy world or dream land

Day and night… dreaming the way she wants it.. how good if it true.. crying till tired… sleep away till next day.. she’s bursting off her limits… she can’t hold it anymore.. she’s breaking down more often than ever.. she feels neglected… she is in her own dream land.. feeling better in there than reality.. she’s lonely.. she’s unhappy… she’s depress.. only her fantasy… her dream land can cheer her up a bit..

Where are you? Why aren’t you talking to her anymore? She knew she owes you apologies.. why are you treating her like this? What has she done wrong that she has such treatment?

Why?

Posted in Diary

#36: there is a difference….

There are times before meeting someone in person, you would get bits of stories about this person… what I got is mostly told one-sided. It’s not 100% true.

Never judge a book by its cover.

Meeting that someone in person tells you a lot more than just hearing stories.. though you might say.. that person is just acting in front of you.. don’t believe this… don’t believe that…

I believe my instincts.

If a person doesn’t like you, no matter what you do, that person will never like you, disagree with you, against you, hate you, and etc..

Once a hater, always a hater.

This is the reality of all situations.. of all things… around us.. happening daily… every seconds…

It’s a never ending story.

This game allowed me to meet people of all ages and backgrounds. People from different countries including home. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in which faction. It’s the opportunit that connects us. But in reality… there are chances we fight among ourselves due to different game ideology.

It’s a social game.

my 2 cents thought.. goodnight!