Before I talk about the following episodes, I’ve something to say. I admire the courage these UCs have. They have sacrifice to solve cases, they have to protect their love ones, they have to lie, they have to come out of their comfort zone, they have to become someone other than themselves. How many people can do this? Can I? No. Can you?
I was happily and kan cheong mode watching the episodes when he came out asking why am I not sleeping. Can I not have own time, own entertainment? I have to watch all the episodes before he does, else I will need to playback a few times when he can’t get the point.
So far I’ve watched 13 episodes. I intended to continue before he came out. AND I’m having a freaking headache now. I will sleep when I’m damn fucking sleepy! Not when I’m not sleepy at all. You know what? I’m getting bored with the job. I learn but it doesn’t satisfy me. I don’t earn a lot and is something not right. People of my age, friends of my age are earning far more than me. Maybe their lifestyles are better than mine too.
This question has been repeating since don’t when. I’ve no answer for it. Either I’m avoiding it or I’m really no answer. I don’t know for sure if I ever let go any opportunities to change, I mean out of my comfort zone. If I can’t bring back myself, I will never let go unwanted memories. These unwanted memories popping up by itself. I don’t want to remember them.
Sometimes I feel that we’re house mates and colleagues, not husband and wife. I admire couples who does sweet minor things. There’s not such thing between us. It’s just not the right way as how I think it. It’s hard to explain, unless you see yourself.
I will never find a job that’s relaxing and something I like. Even if there’s such job, I will not get support. My courage to handle such situation is getting low. My wish to go to my dream land will never succeed. Can I not have more of my me time? Working daily with him is never a good idea, our work styles are different. I’m willing to slow talk, teach and help elderly people but he’s not the type, instead he will act rudely. Is not easy for an elderly person to use the internet nor to learn computer.
One customer told me before, last week, the difference between men and women. Men are not patient, they are not willing to teach illiterates, they will tell you rudely and in quick steps. Women are more patient, will to teach in slow mode, friendlier, and easy to communicate. I agree with that. I can easily make up a conversation with customers. He will only complain when the process is slowed down. What’s wrong with teach and learn?
What we want is never what we get. What we don’t want is always what we get.