#70: Are you really that good?

Have you ever asked yourself the above question? I personally think I’m nothing good. Financially not good and I’m still fighting for the best I can get. Not for anyone but myself. Strangers see me good because they think that the husband gives me money but in reality, I’m not good at all. I’ve dug hard, dug deep until every single cent used. With my thick face, I’ve to ask help from my mom. I’ve asked help from a friend before until I don’t really dare to ask anymore. I owe him, his helpfulness. Every single decision is something crucial to me. I’ve to think many times before each final decision. That really stressed me. Me having depression is already a bad thing. With the stress, it means double trouble. I know I can kill it off but sometimes it’s just too hard.

The most experience I’ve in my working experience is as TM Contractor. I’m lack of other skills and knowledge. And that’s the reason why I’m willing to take up jobs even if the pay is low and not enough at all. I’m willing to learn as long as you’re willing to teach. I don’t have a vision of the future for what’s needed now is more important. Survival is the main focus. And to survive, I need money. Everything is money, and everything is not cheap.

I’m waiting here for the new job to start. There are reasons why I choose part time jobs. I don’t want to work long hours for 1 job, same position for hours, my wrists will hurt again like that. These few weeks, there’s no pain on both hands. Thank goodness! Later most likely need to pump petrol. Don’t think I can pump full tank, don’t have much money left.

How to survive? I don’t know.

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