After walking back from the bazaar ramadhan at the shops there… naik bukit ni… badan bau asap dan peluh… one of my favorite activity of the year… pictures? My Facebook page and g+ got.. Bought my nasi lemak kerang and ikan pari asam pedas from husband and wife stalls… 2 stalls.. 2 locations… I’ve known them for a few years… Since the time when I was doing tm doket @ maintenance at kinrara/puchong area.. orang beli for buka puasa.. i beli for breakfast sebab bangun lambat. Sampai rumah tu… sweat je…. tu tengah buka bungkusan… sedia nak makan…. baju seluar.. semua basah… makanan total 10 ringgit.. air lai chee kang ais 2 ringgit, pek besar… masih lagi minum ni… tapi ais dah habis melted.. peluh pun sudah kering… sweat not because of really hot weather but the place is cooking up… some sellers are cooking there… and not really windy when i walked back just now.. as usual… people park like they own the place.. luckily I don’t have to drive… just walk.. there are cars everywhere including places that you are not allowed to park.. I usually hunt for certain food only… mahal ke murah… ikut citarasa je… what’s wrong with me today? Dwi bahasa pulak..
nothing matters anymore… can’t help it… can’t do anything but cry… it last a few minutes to hours to days.. the more I hope.. the more I wish… the more disappointment.. I give up.. when D and stress combine.. worst.. I know I think too much… until stress.. If only I can format my mind.. D makes you lose interest in people.. lose appetite.. lose mind… professional help is advisable.. I know… this stubborn head resist all.. please don’t push me anymore.. the more you push the more I resist.. i just want somebody to talk to.. somebody I’m comfortable with.. somebody I trust.. I’m struggling to overcome it.. force won’t work on me.. it will only make it worse.. when D strikes… really don’t feel like doing anything… money don’t last forever… rejection is failure… survival.. I don’t want to think.. but can’t.. every decision is crucial.. there will be a time when everything stops..
going into 4th day, she’s unhappily waiting for a reply.. a reply that never came.. she doesn’t know what happen.. she dare not ask… but she’s certainly unhappy.. she tried talking to someone else but it’s just not the same… she’s heartbroken… she cries… she’s speechless… did she say something wrong? Is this person too busy to reply just 1 word? What has she done? What’s happening?
Is just air… and mosquitoes… and sound of the TOM & JERRY… and cars and buses and everything else… she doesn’t want to come home just to hear nor see all these… she wants a welcome hug or kiss.. or yell “I’m home!” She wants to feel warmth at home..